Fallout, 1/1

[vlbuehle]

Title: Fallout

Author: vlbuehle

Fandom: Star Trek Reboot

Pairing: Kirk/McCoy

Rating: R

Word Count: ~4,700

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

Summary: Bones hears the news, and Jim makes his way to Sickbay where decisions are reached. Third in Assumptions 'verse.

Leonard McCoy first heard the news halfway through his delta shift. Oh, he’d known something was up and figured it had to do with Jim given the way his staff kept whispering while keeping a wary eye out for him, but he hadn’t thought much of it at first. Jim usually got into some kind of mess on shore leave, especially when he wasn’t available and Spock hadn’t gone down with him either. And of course nobody would be in a hurry to tell him anything, not when he’d made it damn clear he’d take Jim’s side over just about anyone’s provided the kid wasn’t in the wrong.

So he’d bided his time, worked on the patients that staggered in with every more interesting variations of STDs, rashes in uncomfortable places, hangovers, or indigestion. And if he’d drifted a little bit closer to the knot of nurses whispering away, well, it was hardly his fault if they couldn’t be bothered to notice.

“—hear? I couldn’t believe it!”

Definitely Jim, dammit. And he was suddenly much more concerned about his best friend’s atypical silence when usually Jim would’ve been here by now whining about a sore head and teasing Bones over all the fun he’d missed.

“I’m not surprised. Everyone knows Kirk can’t keep it in his pants.”

His eyes narrowed as he singled out the nurse who’d spoken. There was a nice mess of bed pans to be cleaned, and if she was busy enough to wag her tongue about shit she didn’t understand, maybe cleaning shit up would be good for her.

“Poor Commander Spock!” That was Chris Chapel, and Leonard stopped even pretending to work. If she’d taken sides, the entire Sickbay probably had too. “Honestly, Kirk is such a whore! Cheating on Mr. Spock like he did, that’s unforgivable. He didn’t deserve Spock in the first place.”

There were murmurs of agreement as Bones stood, frozen in place by a haze of fury and growing fear. He knew Jim, dammit, and his best friend might jump in and out of beds, but he never cheated. Ever. Even more to the point, he was honestly devoted to Spock. He’d fallen hard and fast for the pointy-eared bastard, and once Jim committed himself he did it three hundred percent. Bones was the one who’d gritted his teeth and listened to Jim’s insecurities, fears Spock either hadn’t bothered to address or had yet to even notice. He knew how much Jim loved Spock; he certainly wouldn’t fuck it up by cheating on the Vulcan.

Something was wrong, and he retreated back to his office to query the computer on Jim’s location.

“Captain Kirk is not available,” was the melodious response, and he swore pungently. If Jim had felt the need to run one of those goddamn encryptions of his to hide from his CMO, things were worse than he’d thought. Which left only one option: finding out what had happened from the supposedly wronged party.

Goddammit.

He stalked out of his office, noting the hush that fell with grim pleasure, and ran a predatory gaze over his huddled staff. “Since it seems y’all don’t have enough work t’ be done, you can start inventory,” he drawled. “Then clean up this mess, update charts, restock the stores, and list out who needs updates on their vaccinations.” His smile darkened. “Before I get back.”

They’d be too busy scrambling to gossip, and even as he stormed out he heard them dashing around in his wake. Good—he still had the knack. He headed straight for the bridge, temper rising as he discovered Spock holding court from Jim’s seat, the bastard.

“What the hell’s goin’ on?” he demanded, glaring at the younger male. “Half my Sickbay’s buzzin’ with the news that you dumped Jim, an’ they’re sayin’ he did somethin’ to deserve it.”

“Indeed.”

The flat word did it, set the match to Leonard’s infamously explosive temper with a vengeance, but Jim was his, dammit, best friend and unrequited love, and he wasn’t about to let the green-blooded hobgoblin shred Jim’s painfully fragile ego to hell and back.

He knew Jim. Spock obviously did not, even if he had deigned to share the Captain’s bed.

“What the hell are you sayin’?” he ground out, fury swelling at the obvious sympathy Spock was garnering from the bridge crew, ungrateful assholes that they were.

“The Captain has chosen to seek sexual congress with others,” Spock announced, voice loud and clear, guaranteed to reach all the corners of the bridge. “Accordingly, I have terminated our relationship.”

Leo stared at the half-Vulcan in disbelief. “Bullshit,” he said every bit as clearly and precisely as Spock had. “Jim does not cheat on his lovers. Never has, never will. He always ends it before he gets with someone else.”

“The only explanation the Captain has offered is that he was quite intoxicated. I do not find this reason compelling,” Spock answered, and Bones glared at him.

“Jim always breaks up with them, even when he’s skunk drunk,” he affirmed; he should know, he’d seen it often enough. The best had been the time he’d vanished from the bar he’d dragged Bones and the boyfriend of the month to, only to comm the man later and drunkenly announce that he was breaking up with the poor bastard, going to sleep with someone else, and man, was she hot. He’d finished it off with a sincere “sorry” and a belch for good measure.

Jim had grown up a lot since then, and he’d honestly been working his ass off at this relationship, more than Spock had by far. Leo couldn’t actually imagine him cheating, period, and he was damn sure Jim wouldn’t have broken his old habits of dumping before sex with the latest flavor of the hour; in that regard, Jim had always been scrupulously honest.

But the bridge crew had clearly already made up their minds, just like Sickbay, and they hadn’t chosen Jim. It made him sick with fury and worry combined, but arguing wasn’t going to get him anyway and Leonard knew it. He swept them with a savage glare, silently promising deeply uncomfortable physicals for all of them before he threw up his hands and stomped off the bridge. Fuck them all; he had to find Jim, then he’d work on rubbing their faces in their mistakes.

Scotty and Gaila caught him halfway back to Sickbay. He braced himself for an argument, but their faces were tight with worry.

“We can’t find Jim and he’s not answering his comm,” Gaila said without preamble, glaring at a passing crew member who let out a loud humph at the captain’s name. “Do you know where he is?”

“Why?” Bones asked, fully prepared to defend Jim at all costs.

“Of course the laddie hasna been cheating!” Scotty spat, brogue flaring in outrage. “He wouldna do such a thing!”

“It’s all over Engineering,” Gaila said darkly. “We’ve done what we can, but at this point I’d guess the three of us are the only ones who haven’t found Jim guilty. I want him to know we’re behind him, all the way.”

“And if anyone could find him, it’d be you,” Scotty added helpfully. Bones blew out a breath, touched by their conviction.

“Yeah, well, he’s holed up somewhere and he’s not letting me find him either.” It burned to say the words, but he forced them out anyway. “I’m heading back to Sickbay. When he’s ready, he’ll come. I’ll keep you two posted.”

“Aye,” Scotty said quietly, his eyes darkening. “You do that.”

*****

Jim closed his eyes, anger and fear blending into a sick mix. He was furious that his crew had so blithely believed the worst of him when his vague memories said otherwise, but now that he was standing in front of Sickbay, fear was overriding it. Bones hadn’t commed to bitch him out as he’d half-expected, but Bones was used to how fucked up Jim was. He’d seen enough of Jim to know, after all. But there was a difference in not giving up their friendship and believing Jim’s claims of rape. A big difference, and suddenly he wasn’t sure it was worth the risk. The crew deserved his anger, but if Bones didn’t believe him, what would he have left? Bones was the only one who’d stood by him, right from the day they’d met, and Jim wouldn’t lose him now.

“Comin’ in?”

His eyes snapped open at the familiar drawl and he swallowed as he met Bones’ steady gaze. The doctor held that connection as he stepped back, eyes never breaking away, and Jim followed him in step by step. The sudden quiet didn’t matter, nor did the way Chapel banged into him and then apologized in a voice sharp with contempt. All that mattered was steady hazel eyes, narrowing at the flinch Jim didn’t quite catch in time as the encounter jarred half-healed wounds.

The door sealed quietly behind them, Bones rapping out his command code in a voice thick with temper, a code not even the Captain himself could override, and tension he hadn’t known he carried drained away as Jim sank gratefully into the thickly cushioned chair.

“Was startin’ to think I’d have to pry you out of your quarters,” Bones said mildly—too mildly. He knew something was up. It made it easier in some ways, because he didn’t let go when he’d sunk his teeth into something, and Jim already knew he wasn’t leaving this office until Bones’ worry had been thoroughly appeased and he’d undoubtedly yielded to an exam to do it.

“So,” Bones continued when he didn’t answer. “You gonna tell me what happened?”

“I cheated on Spock,” Jim said lightly, eyes wary as he glanced up, waiting for the condemnation. “Didn’t you hear? It’s all over the ship.”

Bones didn’t so much as twitch. “Heard that one. Didn’t buy it then, don’t buy it now. You don’t cheat, kid. Haven’t in all the years I’ve known you.” He leaned forward, gaze steady and unyielding and so fucking gentle it hurt. Christ, did it hurt. “This is me, Jim.”

Somehow it hadn’t dawned on him that Bones would believe him, that he wouldn’t even have to convince his best friend.

“Yeah.” His voice was thick, and his eyes burned a little, but he hadn’t cried since he was a kid and he’d be damned if he started up now. Bones shoved over a glass, the good stuff, and Jim wrapped his hands around it, kept his gaze locked on it as he let it all spill out, from getting mildly buzzed and accepting the drink the grinning waiter had handed him (“So fucking stupid, Bones, how could I have been so stupid?”) to the world going blurry around him. He watched the liquid in the glass shiver as his hands shook, but his voice stayed steady as he admitted to staggering for the door and safety, Uhura seeing him and rolling her eyes, walking away and taking his best chance of escape with her, and the two large males closing in around him. After that it stayed thankfully vague; he remembered being dragged to one of the cheap motels that clustered every planet, remembered hands stripping him down, remembered screaming into the filthy sheets as a hard cock had ripped into him.

He hadn’t obeyed their commands, had done what little he could to fight through the drinks and the drugs, and he’d paid the price for it in broken bones and bruises. He didn’t even know how many there had been; after awhile he’d lost track of how many cocks had battered at him. They’d done it before, that much was obvious, and they’d known who he was as well. He had a feeling he hadn’t been meant to remember as much as he had, and he was damn sure the only reason he was still breathing was because they weren’t stupid enough to kill Starfleet’s golden child, not when it would bring the Fleet’s collective wrath down on their heads.

Finally the flood ended and he remained huddled into his chair, hands locked around the glass, watching dully as amber liquor slopped over the rim.

“Jesus Christ.” Bones sounded awful, exhausted and sick and utterly miserable, and Jim flinched, waiting for the words that would flay him, waiting for the blame because he hadn’t fought hard enough, had been stupid enough to get in that situation in the first place, because if he didn’t have the rep he did maybe it would’ve dawned on his crew that something was wrong and they’d have gotten him back to the Enterprise. It was his fault, he knew that, but he also knew something in him would die when Bones said as much. So he kept his gaze locked on his hands, hoping to avoid the disgust he’d find in Bones’ eyes.

Denial always had been a good friend.

“Jim.” It was soft now, gentle and aching, and right next to him. Bones never had let him get away with hiding from the big stuff. “Jim, look at me.”

He lifted his eyes reluctantly, and found himself caught in compassionate eyes that hurt with him and for him, not a trace of blame in sight.

“Jim, this was not your fault.”

“I fucked up,” he blurted. “I shouldn’t have—”

“Jim. This was not your fault.”

Leonard McCoy was one of the finest doctors in the Fleet, but he never had pulled any punches and he’d never lied, not to Jim. He wouldn’t be lying now. He set the glass down, turned, and let himself lean forward until his head rested on the warm, solid shoulder right next to him as Bones crouched before him.

“It feels like it was,” he whispered in a voice that still cracked, and the sigh ruffled his hair, warm and reassuring and Bones.

“It wasn’t, kid. And I’m gonna keep saying that until you believe me.”

Someone believed him. Bones believed him when he’d expected blame at best, and it broke his defenses. Head buried in the kind of warmth and security he hadn’t felt since Sam had walked away, Jim’s masks finally shattered and he let the tears explode out of him. And Bones didn’t move away, didn’t hesitate, just wrapped one big hand around the base of his skull and let him cry out the pain and the fear and the grief.

It felt like hours before he wound down. His eyes were sore, his nose was stuffed, and he felt better than he had in days. Go figure.

“I need to examine you.”

He’d been expecting that; even worse, he knew Bones was right. If nothing else, he needed documented evidence because he’d be damned if he let this go without a fight. “I know.” He paused for a second. “But not here.”

“Jim…”

“Not here. I don’t trust them to keep their mouths shut, oath or no.” He’d taken the brunt of the ship’s scuttlebutt lately, he wasn’t going to put his rape out on the grapevine for them to gossip over too.

“I—damn, you’re right. All right, compromise: you’re due for vaccination updates anyway, we duck into one of the isolation rooms with that as an excuse if anyone asks, and I scan you there.”

It was as good as he was going to get, and Bones at least he trusted. There were advantages to having the CMO as your best friend; he wouldn’t need assistance the other doctors would, and he could handle anything he found.

“Done,” he said quietly. Bones rose fluidly and offered a hand, waiting patiently. Jim paused.

“Bones? I don’t want to be alone tonight.” He didn’t think he could bear another night in his empty quarters, Spock’s contemptuous gaze searing into him over and over again.

“Kid, that’s not something you gotta worry about,” Bones promised, and the grim tone did more to reassure him than platitudes could’ve.

****

Leo eased Jim down onto the biobed, more alarmed than he’d let on when the kid went down without a word of protest. The bed hummed to life as Leo input his codes, locking the files and results from curious eyes before he turned his attention to the readouts and swore under his breath.

They’d done a number on Jim, but he’d been expecting nothing less. Less damage than he’d anticipated, honestly; broken ribs, muscle strains, deep bruising internally as well as externally, a few ugly lacerations, bites with infection already brewing away, rectal trauma, but nothing as bad as he’d feared, thank God. Most of it he could handle with the surgical field kit he kept on hand in his quarters.

“Jim, I need to set your ribs and mend them,” he said quietly. “I’m going to put you out for it. I won’t leave you alone, and as soon as you wake up, we’ll go to my quarters and I’ll fix the rest. All right?”

“Do it.”

****

Jim came awake fast and hard, choking as his stomach rebelled violently. He heard a harsh curse, the clatter of an object before strong hands grabbed him and rolled him to his side as he vomited, struggling weakly against the hands as memories overlapped. He was eleven years old, sobbing quietly as Frank grunted over him; twelve and covered in bruises, plotting his escape and promising himself he’d get away and nobody would ever touch him without his consent again as Frank told him what a whore he was. He was eighteen and gone, burying the memories of his stepfather’s rapes so deep even he didn’t remember what had happened—or why he never, ever let anyone top him. He was twenty-seven, the familiar and sickening sensation of drugs muddying his thoughts, bound and helpless as a hot body pinned him down and a cock tore him open.

He found himself staring at a white-faced McCoy, the doctor’s hands held up as he stayed clear of Jim, a non-stop stream of words pouring from him, reassuring Jim that he was safe, it was over, nobody would touch him again.

“Oh, God,” he rasped, sagging back onto the bed and pressing both hands over his eyes as memories burst over him. “Oh, fuck.”

“You back with me?” Bones sounded cautious, as well he might. Jim managed a tight nod.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Not to me, and not for that.” The older man’s voice softened. “Wanna talk about it?”

No, he really didn’t, but this was Bones, the one person he trusted absolutely. The one person who’d never let him down.

“I remembered.”

“There’s more?” Leo was surprised; Jim’s descriptions had been surprisingly thorough given the amount of drugs lingering in his bloodstream, and they’d matched up with the physical injuries he’d found.

“Not this time. Before. When I was a kid.” He steeled himself and said the words. “My mother remarried when I was about ten. She stuck around for a few months, then she went off planet again. My brother took off when I was eleven, ended up with some relatives. Once he was gone the field was clear; my stepfather started molesting me, worked his way up to actual penetration.” The words burned, but in some ways it was a relief to say it aloud. “I think he stopped after a couple of years, I don’t really remember. I made myself forget until now.”

The new trauma had been similar enough to trigger the repressed memories of the older trauma. And that older trauma explained half a dozen of Jim’s more baffling behaviors, dammit. He should’ve seen this coming, Leo thought grimly to himself.

“C’mon,” he said aloud. “Think you can walk?”

Jim gave him a tired smile that was somehow more real than most of the smirks and brash grins Bones had seen over the past six years. “Hell, yes, if it means getting out of here.”

“I think we can manage that.”

Jim was still working through the sedative, but to Leo’s profound relief he let himself be assisted back into his uniform without flinching away from the doctor’s steadying hands. When Jim was presentable again, Leo unlocked the door and herded his best friend out. The disdainful looks openly shot the Captain’s way only strengthened Leo’s determination. He knew what he wanted, for himself and for Jim; now the trick would be convincing Jim of it.

The trek to the CMO’s quarters was made in silence, but neither man missed the sneers or worse aimed at the Captain. With each crewmember, Jim’s shoulders tensed further and further, and the tension drained abruptly only after the doors sealed them into Bones’ quarters.

“We need to talk,” Leo warned, guiding Jim down to the bed and kneeling to tug his boots off with practiced efficiency.

“I can’t stay here.”

It was about the last thing Bones had ever expected Jim to say, not when he knew how the younger man had worked his ass off to get here, how he cherished captaining the Enterprise.

“Jim?”

Jim met his startled gaze squarely. “They don’t respect me, Bones, and I can’t respect them anymore,” he said plainly. “They won’t trust my lead, they can’t if they didn’t even have the faith in me to hear my side of the story instead of taking Spock’s at face value, but none of them did other than you. And I can’t trust them again.” He spread his hands, eyes bleak but clear. “I cannot in good faith captain this ship if my crew doesn’t trust me to do my best for them, or if I cannot trust them to obey my orders. I’m going to resign my commission as soon as we get to the next Starbase.”

Okay, so this was going to be easier than he’d expected. “Hold up, kid, I’d kinda like our careers intact when the dust settles.”

Jim cocked a brow. “Our, Bones?”

“What, you think you’re leaving me behind? Sorry, Kirk, you’re stuck with me. But I’ve got another option.” This he had to handle carefully. “Jim, I’m gonna be blunt here: I think you need therapy, with someone who specializes in nonconsensual sex.”

Jim’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t lash out, not yet. “Keep going.”

“One of my best friends is the top specialist in that field, she’ll take you if I ask. More to the point, therapy is an entirely acceptable reason for a sabbatical, one Starfleet Medical regulations can’t penalize you for.”

Jim’s eyes were thoughtful, a little blank, and Leo waited patiently until Jim refocused on him. “What aren’t you saying?”

“I trust your instincts,” Leo said honestly. “You’ve said repeatedly that you don’t think you were the first one this was done to, and I’d tend to agree; your injuries, while consistent with trauma, aren’t as extensive as I would have expected given your report on what happened. That suggests you’re not the first one they’ve done this to. I ran a couple searches of Starfleet Medical while you were out; thirty-eight victims reported similar experiences, on a variety of worlds. Nobody’s pieced together the puzzle yet.”

“It’s organized.” Jim sounded dazed. “They’re selecting specific targets, aren’t they?”

“That’s what I think. They started low-key, then they moved up. Strikingly attractive humans, and the more recent victims tended towards the exotic: senior officers, or aliens. Two captains were taken before you. There’s no way this is random, Jim. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s a ring; they seize chosen targets, but I’ll be damned if I can figure out why.”

Jim shut his eyes, sorting through the memories for a moment. “I think—I think they might’ve been recording it,” he said finally.

Okay, that made sense. Human nature hadn’t changed, no matter how enlightened the society became; there would always be people ready and willing to pay to see rapes.

“So the buyer pays them, specifies the target and presumably what he wants done, and then gets the recordings when they finish.” Jim took it a step further than he had.

“They planned this,” Leo agreed with him. “More to the point, they used about the only date rape you don’t have a violent allergic reaction to; that suggests the buyer had access to your med records.”

“Earth,” Jim clarified grimly. “The buyer is someone in Starfleet.”

Bones’ eyes narrowed. “The mission?”

“Came up without warning, and it wasn’t Pike who gave the orders.”

That was damn unusual; Jim was Pike’s adored protégé, and his proprietary interest in the Enterprise was one the other Admirals indulged. Jim’s brow cleared.

“All right. Let’s do it.”

***

It hadn’t taken long to make the arrangements. Jim had put in a personal call to Chris Pike, who’d been horrified at what his ‘son’ had endured and outraged at the crew’s attitudes, but wholeheartedly supportive of Jim’s decision. He’d smooth the way ahead of them, and arrange for transport back to Earth from Starbase Forty-Six. Considering he’d been muttering about shipyards and building schedules, Leo had the sneaking suspicion the man was already scheming to get Jim on the Fleet’s latest masterpiece when he was cleared for duty. Gaila and Scotty had tag-teamed them both to assert their support for Jim, and they’d all but begged to follow him; Pike had agreed and made the arrangements. From the gleam in his eyes, Leo was pretty damn sure Jim would wind up in a captain’s chair when he was declared fit for duty, and that the pair of engineers would be running Engineering. Until then, they were on Research with Scotty assigned to continue exploring the techniques he’d begun to flesh out with Chekov’s and his paper on interspatial warp transporter technology, with Gaila assigned as his research assistant.

Bones had contacted Dr. Alyson Spars, and Allie had promptly agreed to take Jim; she’d also informed him that it sounded strikingly similar to a dozen of her current cases. Jim was already working on schemes for breaking the rape gang.

Pike had delivered official orders to proceed to Starbase 46, orders Jim had wisely accepted on the bridge to ensure the crew would actually obey, and they were a few minutes out. Time to wrap it up.

Leo stood on the bridge, guarding Jim’s back as the Captain rose from his chair and addressed his crew for the final time. “Ladies and gentlemen, I am hereby relieved from command as the Captain of the USS Enterprise. Mr. Spock, you will serve as Acting Captain until such a time as Starfleet assigns a permanent Captain. Dr. McCoy has also been removed from the CMO position; his replacement will be aboard before your new orders are issued.” He nodded distantly to the crew before turning and walking away, Bones firmly on his heels. They’d packed ahead of time, so it was the matter of minutes to grab their belongings and head to the transporter bay.

Jim smiled at Gaila and Scotty, kept the smile on his face as the baffled station commander met them at the transporter pad to personally escort them to the small transport awaiting them. Only when the doors hissed shut, leaving them together in the passenger bay did Jim finally relax, and the relief in his eyes assured Leonard they’d made the right call, all of them.

Jim didn’t look as the transport pulled away from Starbase 46; there was no point. His time on Enterprise had been glorious and he didn’t regret it, but he didn’t regret giving her up either. He’d go home, heal, make the bastards who’d done this pay dearly for it, and go from there.

Long fingers meshed through his and he flicked a glance over, lips curving a little at intent hazel eyes locked on him.

“I’m okay,” he promised quietly, and meant it. For now, he had Bones, and that was enough. And Gaila and Scotty too, he amended as he realized the engineers were watching him anxiously and trying hard to be unobtrusive about it, but they both relaxed when he slanted a warm smile over them as well.

No, he wasn’t fine yet. But he was getting there. It wouldn’t be easy, but for the first time he could see how he’d get through this one day at a time, and right now, that was enough.

FINIS